So what has happened since the last time I wrote... Hmmmm.... I got my haircut and it's super short. The jury is still out on if I like it or not... I finally got my Christmas tree put away last night... I did consider just leaving it up until this next Christmas, but I realized that I wanted my living room back. I finally got some cleaning done that needed to be done for a long time. My husband and I decided that we're going to remodel our master bathroom, which is nice because currently it's pretty ghetto. The bright avocado paint color was a good idea at the time, but when you think about it it's really actually pretty gross. I have a feeling we may get in over our head, considering neither of us can be considered handy. And that is no exaggeration!
Recently we found out that a close friend of ours is having a baby here in about six months. I'd have to say the news was pretty surprising. It seems as though everyone around us is getting pregnant. My husband is starting to get baby fever. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to get pregnant as well, but I'm just so concerned about how that will change our lives. I wouldn't mind so much not working, as I would mind not having a moment to myself. People say that when you have your own child it's not like you're giving up something but gaining a whole other purpose. I just wouldn't want to screw that child up. Neither of us had a very stable upbringing. Both of our parents divorced before we were born, and neither of us had much of a relationship with our dad's. I know my husband would be a much better father than what I had, but part of me worries about what kind of dad he would be. He's never really been around children, and I don't want to carry most of the load when it comes to raising the child. I have more trouble getting him to put his dishes in the dishwasher, how am I going to get him to remember to keep a close eye on a baby?! Most of the time I worry about something, and it turns out fine. But I really don't want to screw this up, I mean this is a life we're responsible for! I would hate to raise my child and find out that my child resents me because I didn't get it right. When it happens I want to make sure we're ready. Everyone else needs to just stop getting pregnant so I can stop having all of these maternal feelings!
I can feel the echo of my words right now. Still no followers. I guess that's what happens when you're struggling to be more of the real you than a version that is acceptable. I don't quite feel comfortable letting someone see the very real side of me. For one I can't speak without sounding completely stupid, or that I don't know how to form a complete thought. I do know how to form a sentence it just takes me longer to get what I want to say out of my mouth. Most people draw the conclusion that I'm either weird or have a screw slightly loose somewhere. Maybe one of these days I can embrace the "take it or leave it" attitude I'm desperately searching for.
Friend status: solitary confinement. At least that's what I like to call my total lack of good friends. I tried to get a girls night planned for one day this past weekend, but I must not be important enough to be remembered. There's always an excuse and another excuse for the excuse... If you're not going to make time for me, I'm going to make sure to ignore you. Until you call or text of course... I need to stop the habit of forgiving you over and over again. 9 times out of 10 that has bitten me in the ass.
Plan for this week: stay on track with my diet/exercise program. Get things accomplished when I say I'm going to have it done. Be less argumentative.
"Lord please help me to change the things that I can, and accept the things that I cannot"- Unknown
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